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Fri Jan 20 09:01:16 2006 News:
en-us 2006-01-19T05:48:00+00:00 JoyInTheMoment Integrity as a love affair Thats my new life. Integrity as a love affair. Thanks Gunilla for passing that on.
Almost done with the floor in the bedroom. Read some more in SEX, ECOLOGY, SPIRITUALITY (KEN WILBER), great book. Ate lunch with Jonatan and got everybody to take part of cleaning up the workplace, getting it done piece by piece. Jonatan found a new location for us. Talked with Anna, not so happy right now, romantic love seems to be as much pain as joy , or what? I seem to separate since I dont see a future thats inspiring. Or should I let go off my ideas of a partnership that also includes a big common ground of Landmark education work? No, I dont think I will let that slip out of the picture, it will come sliding in again and again as in previous relationships, thats predictable........Gotta go ahead with my coursework, I am behind it seems now.
Yes I have doing that also... Fun, yes. I have done a mistake, I have declared a romantic relationship a bit to early. I see it as this: A relationship is not entirely created until a purpose for the relationship is created, and also for the people involved. Also that conversations around how interactions can develop are taken care of. And that its very clear what both parties know what they will give to themselves, each other and the relationship itself, and what they are in to get, and possibly also expectations from inner subpersonalities...Yeah, its a lot to be handled before actually declaring "its in". Thats how I see it. And from this standpoint I have never HAD a relationship in my life until soooooooooooooon. No hurry... We are playing, do we wanna play on a new level? I see also that the distinctions in my course about a fifth field is what I want to have, and to live in, inside a romantic partnership (not only living in the ordinary fields of relating!!!). Yes I want that.... And more.... I want it all......
Woke up after 3 AM, thoughts all over... Started writing down at 5 went to meeting about my daughter at 9, good... At work directing work, lunch with Anna, cleared some fog, talked with landlord, was a little opening. Cleared up stuff in shop, cleaned up, good music in my car, from NY, put it on at home and we all danced, Yrla is happy, I love her, and me, and my life, and you, and everybody. Lets shake, rattle and roll ):
being responsible for my n others distorsions. my filters. get to know my tool, my instrument. sex love women beutyjudgement, food, moneyconcrns.currently the way i am dealing with the fields. completely diffrent getting the field or getting the content of. being in the unknown for long time to get relationships as fields, fifth field same. proturbed. be in dont know in order to get what u want.... no no.... notice my points of stop, train my ability of being with the unknow, let go, let go, let go, see the face. little lady over the street to paris but she wanted over street, be responsible where we take people, our words are EXTREMELY powerful. Its a blast. My filters judging, am i ok, isolate. I dont have to cut off in order to be in the unknown. There is no way to be in the unknown. Write my name. Give myself to the explorations. Recheck my intentions for doing this course.Distorsions not personal, check which fields. Lie we are separate. They know it all. Where is a conversation blocked, blase, surface politeness indicates inauthenticities.
I am ... growing ... growing up ... or ... my life is growing..... The ongoing talks with Anna and the love thats growing, expansion in possibilities. Also coaching yesterday from Kent in USA, me getting aware of me being 12 and that guy peeing on me while I was hospitalized (maybe I provoked him?) and my one leg was up in the ceiling ... couldnt defend myself ... my mindset from then on to take revenge... on the world and everybody... creating lots of that in my life... also growing from that. Been blaming lots on my mum, making her miserable.
I have lots to take care of in my company and in my life now, and I have been ignoring that, living like in a fantasy. Had a nightmare now and woke up. I´ve been arrogant to employes and, at the same time, not supporting them, not holdingthem to account, not setting structures, limits, accountabilities, not creating team.At same time both my kids are right now investigated by authorities, and Ihave blamed their mothers for that.Same thing here, I am acting like there is their faults, same tragicpatterns I´ve always lived my life in, or at least since 12.What happened at 12 was I didnt belong, and I should take revenge for that,a guy peeing on me when I was hospitalized with one leg in bandage andcouldnt move even.People hurt me, people are mean, I cant protect myself, I hate myself, Ishould be better, I have no way to go, no escape, no home, no friends, nosafety, no support, thats my drama...I can see that this is a drama I have created now in my life, and beresponsible for it. Me being responsible.Communicate. Work WITH the people in my life for solutions, setting goals,setting structures, accountabilities, together with them. Be the inspiringloving leader I am. Ask for forgiveness, ask for support. Forgive myself.Let go off the past.And I can see also how much love and support there is, how much is LIFE really always is like this, like a huge "PROBLEM" or "MYSTERY" whatever you call it, whatever way you try to grasp it, you cant, because LIFE is always transforming, endlessly, and you toooooo. Its so big, vast, great, so many possibilities unfolding all the time everywhere. Being In ACTION.And that I AM creating TEAM in my company with my very presence now, and things are working out. When I fully participate and play... I take that on to do re my kids.Do you wanna support me? And how?I am open for support and coaching. I want to sell my company, possibly sell it to my staff, maybe be a shareowner myself, maybe let someone else run it. I also need a new location for my company, and to sell out a lot of old or used items, thats not listed on www.billebro.se. Company also needs an upgrading of webshop, make some new advertisement originals -ongoingly, connect and integrate our webshop - book-keeping - rental program - shop-cashsystem, deal with authorities regarding work conditions in practical sense of the location.So, tell me, whats going on in your life??Love, Kent njuuuutis@hotmail.com
Ha ha ha haaaa....I have reduced nrg consumption of my house from around 30.000 SEK (1 USD = 8 SEK), to below 10.000, by installing a heat pump that converts nrg 100 metres under the house.Its some 3 years ago, cost around 100.000 and soon its saved, the cost, and more than that, its less nrg from electricity net....
And so am I, if we listen to our identities...Lets be playful about our egos, and touch their hair like the hair on a small kid, and say gently, I love you. Kiss kiss kiss...
I have huge problems with my company, and I have been ignoring them, living like in a fantasy. Had a nightmare now and woke up. So extremely much to take care of right now in my company and in my life. Its extreme. And how I´ve been arrogant to employes and, at the same time, not supporting them, not holding them to account, not setting structures, limits, accountabilities, not creating a team.At same time both my kids are right now investigated by authorities, and I have blamed their mothers for that.Same thing here, I am acting like there is their faults, same tragic patterns I´ve always lived my life in, or at least since 12.What happened at 12 was I didnt belong, and I should take revenge for that, a guy peeing on me when I was hospitalized with one leg in bandage and couldnt move even.People hurt me, people are mean, I cant protect myself, I hate myself, I should be better, I have no way to go, no escape, no home, no friends, no safety, no support, thats my drama...I can see that this is a drama I have created now in my life, and be responsible for it. Me being responsible.Communicate. Work WITH the people in my life for solutions, setting goals, setting structures, accountabilities, together with them. Be the inspiring loving leader I am. Ask for forgiveness, ask for support. Forgive myself. Let go off the past.Love, Kent
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